Proactive Financial Planning – Part 1

Are you the type of person that makes plans or do things just happen to you?  Life is hectic.  There are issues at work, relationships with our spouses and children, bills to pay, vacations, and weekly activities. There are times that we have a little peace and quiet.  It might be when you’re driving in our car to work or taking a stroll on the beach during a vacation.  In those moments you may briefly think about life 10, 20, or 30 years down the road.  What will it look like?  Will I be prepared?  Making a financial plan can be the difference between success or an uncomfortable surprise. 

Let me give you an example that will hit close to home for all parents with daughters.   Dads, you know how great your little girl is.  Unfortunately, when they become teenagers, there will inevitably be another male figure who thinks your daughter is great as well.  Do you have a plan?  If not, the default is that one day, out of the blue (at least in your mind), there is going to be a conversation:

“Dad, Steve asked me out.  Is it okay if he picks me up tonight at seven?” 

“What?  You’re only fourteen,” 

(eyes roll) “Dad?  I’m sixteen.”

“Oh yeah, uhh… who’s Steve?”

“A boy from school.  He’s really nice.”

(hesitation) “What did your mother say?”

“She said to ask you.”

Does that sound like a plan or an uncomfortable surprise? 

Years ago, I read a book by Dennis Rainey*, in which he challenged fathers to interview boys that wanted to date their daughters.   I put pen to paper and jotted down a strategy consisting of three rules:

1.      Encourage my son and daughters to go out in groups versus one-on-one.

2.      The first time they could go out one-on-one was at age 16.

3.      Before a boy could go out one-on-one with my daughters, they had to go out with me first.

The first order of business for me was to get a yellow pad, find a quiet place to sit down, and then jot down both the questions I wanted to ask and the statements I wanted to make sure were understood.  A typical interview-date began after one of my daughters told me the name of the boy that wanted to go out with them and provided me with their family phone number.  The conversation with the parent went something like this.  “Hello, this is Eric Reinhold, my daughter and your son, go to school together and as you may know your son has asked her out on a date.”  Quick acknowledgment.  “It’s my policy that if my daughter wants to date a boy one-on-one, that I take him out first for breakfast or lunch to get to know one another.  I was calling to see if it would be okay with you if I set something up with your son?”  These calls were always well received by the parents of the boy in question.

 The first question I asked after a brief introduction in the car was, “So, Steve, what does dating mean to you?”  And then I would shut up.  For me, the key was to ask open-ended questions, so I didn’t get yes or no answers.  And then remain silent, no matter how awkward the silence.   I didn’t want to bail him out. 

By the time he finished talking, we were able to enjoy some awkward silence before arriving at the restaurant.   He had some time to gather his wits as we were seated and went through the process of ordering.  I would then move into my second question.  “So Steve, you and I both know my daughter is beautiful, what other things attract you to her?”  Again, another open-ended question.  For the boy that knew all the wonderful attributes of my daughter, this was a lay-up.  But for the boy focused primarily on her physical appearance - beads of sweat appeared along with shifting awkwardly in his chair.

There were also blanket statements while looking him directly in the eye.  “Steve, as long as you assume that every text, e-mail, chat, message, or phone call is seen or heard by me, then you’ll be okay.”

 I always liked to close with a summary statement.  “Steve, whether you date my daughter once or 50 times, remember to treat her like you’d want someone to treat your future wife.”  While many 16-year-olds aren’t thinking about marriage, I didn’t keep it a secret that I was 17 when I began dating a 16-year-old girl, who later became my wife. 

 Having a plan is important, in both parenting and your finances.  You may earn a decent income, but if you don’t have some sort of plan for saving and better yet an idea of what you need to save for future retirement, then you are just relying on chance for everything to turn out okay.  Some people get a trainer to reach their physical goals.  Others get counselors to help with their marriage or parenting.  My role as a financial planner is to come alongside clients and help them reach financial goals.  Many times envisioning and articulating your goals is the first step.

*Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date, Dennis Rainey, April 16, 2007